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Q. Six weeks ago, I met a man at a festival. He is 30 and I am in my 40s. We made a real connection at this festival, swapped numbers, then he visited me for three days. We had an amazing time. We began speaking on the phone at least three times a day and sending texts all day long.
We have plans to meet up again — he lives a few hours away by car and was going to pick me up after another festival — but days ago, he started replying less frequently. Yesterday, he never answered his phone.
I felt I was being ignored and I overreacted. I sent him several texts basically saying “have a nice life” and “nice knowing you.” He finally replied, asked if I was being serious, and then said he felt awful about the unanswered texts. I replied by asking whether he still wanted to see me. He has not replied for hours, which is why I’m writing this letter. I know this may sound immature (and that I might have some more answers by the time this letter runs), but I’m looking for advice about what’s happening here and what I should say when we talk about it.
– What’s the message?
A. I’m going to assume you met at a Renaissance festival — I’d like to imagine this with costumes.
As for your problem, my guess is that he was busy and couldn’t text you back — and that’s OK. It can feel nice to reach out every few minutes in the beginning of a relationship, but that kind of constant communication isn’t sustainable. How would you accomplish anything in life if you were on the phone with him three times a day with texts in between? How would you make time to be present with anyone else?
It’s an adjustment when that kind of communication drops off — especially if you’re starting a long-distance relationship — but it doesn’t have to mean anything. With more space between calls, your conversations might have more substance.
Let him know (when he’s ready to talk) that you’d love to see him. Apologize for stressing him out. Don’t make it a big deal.
You overreacted. Have you apologized yet? LUCILLEVANPELT
Sometimes e-mails don’t show up on my phone for a few hours. I don’t know why it happens. It can be annoying but I never feel the need to lash out at the sender. SUNALSORISES
I would say just cut your losses. I remember the first time I blew up when someone didn’t respond in what I thought was timely manner. Usually it’s an immediate turnoff for most people, so best to move on and learn from it, and maybe chill on the initial communication in the future. CAPPNBRAGGINS
I think you need to round out your life a little for some balance. You’ve instantaneously moved this guy into the center of your universe with the three-day visit and numerous texts as if you were already in a long-term relationship. You’re not. Give him space. BKLYNMOM
What Meredith said. You’re overreacting. PATSFAN79
boston.com/loveletters. Send letters, questions, and comments to firstname.lastname@example.org.