It bugs me that my boyfriend’s ex is always in the background

She keeps up with my boyfriend and his family on Facebook, and wants to connect with me, too. What to do?


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Q. Hi Meredith,

My boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend seems to be a bit crazy and overly jealous. They broke up years ago, but once she found out we were dating, she immediately requested to follow me on social media (without knowing or meeting me). When I told him, he advised me to ignore her. He said she’s crazy and nosy, so I shrugged it off.


But they are still friends on Facebook, and she follows all of his friends’ and family’s posts, and likes everything his sister posts. My boyfriend and his ex are from the same town and have mutual friends. It makes me feel uncomfortable that someone wants to keep up with their ex’s life so often and continuously.

We are very happy and committed to each other and have a growing future together. Do I have to worry that this girl is constantly going to be in the background, keeping up with our lives?

I don’t want to tell him what to do or to take her off his social media, but I don’t see the reason for her behavior. Does she suffer from a case of nosiness? Loneliness? Jealousy or hatred?

— She Likes It

A. Wait. All she’s doing is liking posts? Why would you assume she’s miserable and jealous? Let’s give her the benefit of the doubt for a second, because she could be the type of person who likes a lot of things on social media. Maybe she really bonded with your boyfriend’s sister and just wants to be nice.

For the record, I do think it’s a little weird that she requested to follow your accounts. There was no reason for her to connect with her ex’s new girlfriend. That said, she’s not doing anything without permission here. She requested access, and when you ignored her, that was that.


I know it’s tempting to track everything she likes on social media, but you don’t want the nosy and jealous person in this letter to be, well  . . .  you. My advice is to hide her accounts as much as possible. If you do see her likes, ignore them. Assume she likes many things. Some people can’t help themselves.

— Meredith


I think you meant to say: “I’m uncomfortable that my partner wants to keep up with his ex’s life so often and continuously.” BIGSIGH

Some people just “like” everything on Facebook, and that sounds like who she is. You say you have a good relationship with your boyfriend; don’t let something like this change that. PIGLETSMOM

It’s probably nothing, but keep your eyes open for it getting more intense and extending beyond social media. If she is a stalker, the ONLY way to stop a stalker is to ignore a stalker. If you give such a person ANY response, it will give them more energy to keep on doing it. She’s probably not a stalker, but just in case, keep your eyes open. N1k

You need to chill. Your boyfriend had a life before you. THEGURU

Your boyfriend seems to have a type. CRUCIFIEDZEOFF

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