Dear residents of the mid-Atlantic region: a significant storm is coming your way, and police from Bangor, Maine, have some advice for how you and your family can survive the wintry ordeal.
Because for once, the storm won’t come close to the Pine Tree State. This weekend, in Bangor, the forecast calls mostly for sunshine.
“Listen, this storm is going to miss us. This is not typical and we want to share a little advice of how to make it through an epic ‘snow event’ unscathed,” police said in a witty Facebook post Thursday night. “Don’t panic. It’s just frozen rain. It does go away.”
Police in the post, which was shared more than 25,000 times by Friday morning, poked fun at tourists who only come up to Maine to soak up the summer sun, and then leave their vacation spots behind when the cold weather rears its ugly head.
Sergeant Tim Cotton, who writes daily posts for the Bangor police, is behind the humor, a department spokeswoman said.
Cotton’s post noted that it’s mostly New Englanders who each winter are subjected to these types of extreme snow events.
“Every year when you pack up your well tanned family and head back home from our tiny piece of paradise, you look back and see us raking up our leaves and putting our snow shovels by the door. You always sigh, knowing that we will be dealing with winter in a far different way than you will,” police said. “Down deep, you feel sorry for us. You know that we will be moving snowbanks, raking our roof, smashing ice dams off the shingles, and stoking the woodstove with the dollar bills that you left behind.”
But not this time.
Smug with the knowledge that Maine will be snow-free come the weekend, police playfully laid out eight detailed suggestions for how residents in the mid-Atlantic region can endure the storm, which is expected to blanket Washington, D.C., Philadelphia, and New York with up to three feet of snow in some areas.
“DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT buy all the bread on the shelves. As a lifelong Mainer, I recommend cereal,” police wrote. “No better reason has ever been invented to eat Golden Crisp, Honeycomb, or Cap’n Crunch.”
They also advised out-of-state residents to avoid too much manual labor, and take on shoveling in small doses — it may affect your stride and posture, they said.
“Pace yourself. Go out every few hours and move a little at a time. It can hurt your back, arms and legs. You always wonder why we all walk funny. It is not because of the clam chowder,” police wrote.
The post went on to say that it’s a good idea to have a reliable flashlight on hand, in case the power goes out — and people need to “find the cereal.” Police also warned those about to be impacted by the storm not to use a generator indoors, and make sure that their cars are properly fueled.
“We need you to come back next summer to buy more lobster and lobster traps. Pine cones are free,” police said.
Jokes aside, Bangor police were mostly concerned about people’s well-being.
“Be safe and well, and if you have any Cap’n Crunch left after the storm — it keeps very well — bring it up this summer,” they wrote.Steve Annear can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. Follow him on Twitter @steveannear.