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    BLOTTER TALES

    Talk about skirting the law!

    Natick Police Department
    Natick police are looking to identify these two women, who allegedly used a novel technique to shoplift merchandise from a local store Jan. 30.

    Every day, police officers respond to reports of all sorts of events and nonevents, most of which never make the news. Here is a sampling of lesser-known — but no less noteworthy — incidents from police log books (a.k.a. blotters) in our suburbs.

    POLICE: THIS CASE A BAG JOB

    Police are looking to identify two women who allegedly used a novel technique to shoplift merchandise from a store in Natick.A video on the Natick Police Department’s Facebook page shows an older woman apparently concealing merchandise underneath her long skirt with the help of an accomplice on Jan. 30. “Tired of lugging all your merchandise out to the car?” Natick police wrote in the Facebook post. “Hate to make multiple trips? Why bother with you can shop with ease by bagging between the knees? This handy device will allow you to carry all of your merchandise choices out in one time saving trip.” Police noted that the contraption that the woman had rigged underneath her skirt — it appeared to be a large bag or bags strapped to her legs — was something they’d never seen before. “Now I’m an old-school guy and seen many a makeshift vessel of conveyance, but this is the first time I’ve seen what looks like a full-sized laundry bag strapped to the insides of a pair of legs,” police wrote. The surveillance video showed the two women working like a team — one woman lifted up her long skirt and looked around the store, while the other crouched down behind her and quickly stuffed merchandise into the bag. Police noted that the way they positioned themselves was reminiscent of a quarterback taking a snap in a football game. “You’ll notice one of these ladies spends more time under center than Brady did in the AFC Championship . . . ,” police quipped.

    DOGGED JOURNALISTIC PURSUIT

    At 7:18 a.m. Feb. 14, Bridgewater police received a 911 call from a woman who reported that she’d just gotten into an altercation with her newspaper delivery person. The dispute, it seems, focused on a paper delivery flashpoint — where the paper should be left. The woman told the police she was chasing the delivery person’s car down the road. Police told her to give up the pursuit.

    HUMOR, INTERRUPTED

    At 3:47 p.m. Jan. 31, a Bridgewater woman called police to report that her 9-year-old daughter might have been kidnapped. Before officers arrived, though, the girl was found safe and sound. It turned out that the child had sent a text to her mother claiming she’d been kidnapped, and before she could send a second message saying she’d just been kidding — such a good joke! — her phone battery died.

    FIRST HARBINGER OF THE COMING APOCALYPSE?

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    At 2:14 p.m. Dec. 8, someone called West Bridgewater police to report seeing a woman in her twenties erratically driving a brown Honda Accord. She was, the caller reported, making U-turns and hanging out the car’s window “looking like a zombie.” The Honda was last seen on West Center Street heading toward Easton, so officers in both communities were alerted, to no avail. The creature, apparently, returned to her lair.

    THIS SPUD’S FOR YOU

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    At 1:38 p.m. Feb. 18, Marblehead police received a call from a woman on Harbor View Lane who reported hearing the sound of three gunshots coming from somewhere between her backyard and the baseball grandstand at nearby Seaside Park. After the shots, she told police, she heard a voice say, “Oh, yeah.” Responding officers searched the area and determined the sounds came from a gun, all right, but of the nonlethal variety: It was a potato gun, a sort of backyard device that can launch starchy vegetables at high speeds. The things can cause injuries, particularly if they malfunction, but happily, no victims were found.

    Emily Sweeney can be reached at esweeney@globe.com. Follow her on Twitter @emilysweeney.