In their bid to the US Olympic Committee, Boston 2024 leaders tentatively renamed swaths of the region with generic-sounding monikers like “Midtown” and “University Cluster.” The public was underwhelmed; this sounded like the sort of thing political insiders do, without consultation from the plebs.
So here’s our suggestion: Go further. Rename all of Boston with grandiose words that sound like they’re culled from real estate brochures. Or tap into local culture and force the world to understand us. Or succumb to the outside press’s unquenchable urge to abbreviate everything (think: SoBo). Here are some ideas, for 2024 and beyond.
|Current name||Olympic venue||Grandiose Rebranding||Grumpy Retort||Obnoxiously Abbreviated Name|
|Widett Circle||Olympic stadium||Midtown *||Tow Zone||EaHi (East of the Highway)|
|Dorchester Ave||Main Olympic drag||Olympic Boulevard *||Wahlberg Way||DoAv|
|Boston Common||Beach volleyball||Central Park||Garden of cigarette butts||BoCo|
|Franklin Park||Dressage, pentathlon||Millennium Megaplex Park||Zooland||FaPa|
|Boston Harbor||Sailing||West Suffolk Sea||Castle Island Shores||BoHa|