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In their bid to the US Olympic Committee, Boston 2024 leaders tentatively renamed swaths of the region with generic-sounding monikers like “Midtown” and “University Cluster.” The public was underwhelmed; this sounded like the sort of thing political insiders do, without consultation from the plebs.

So here’s our suggestion: Go further. Rename all of Boston with grandiose words that sound like they’re culled from real estate brochures. Or tap into local culture and force the world to understand us. Or succumb to the outside press’s unquenchable urge to abbreviate everything (think: SoBo). Here are some ideas, for 2024 and beyond.

Current name Olympic venue Grandiose Rebranding Grumpy Retort Obnoxiously Abbreviated Name
Widett Circle Olympic stadium Midtown * Tow Zone EaHi (East of the Highway)
Dorchester Ave Main Olympic drag Olympic Boulevard * Wahlberg Way DoAv
Boston Common Beach volleyball Central Park Garden of cigarette butts BoCo
Franklin Park Dressage, pentathlon Millennium Megaplex Park Zooland FaPa
Boston Harbor Sailing West Suffolk Sea Castle Island Shores BoHa
Foxborough Rugby Deflationarium Winner's Circle FoBo
Boston Convention and Exposition Center Judo, table tennis Mansion of Expansion Tax Money Vortex ConCen
Long Island Shooting Forbidden Isle of Mystery Shutter Island LoIs
MIT Archery University Cluster * Smootville SmaPa (smartypants)
Somerville Cycling Hubway Porchlandia, Hipsterville SoVo
Brookline Golf Crested Knolls Conandia BroLi
Lowell Rowing Far North Boston, The Riverway North North Wahlberg NoNoBo
*Name has actually been proposed
Globe Staff