In a casual remark to a Globe reporter, newly appointed Massachusetts tourism director Rich Doucette said that we need a catchier tourist come-on than the state’s current marketing hook, “It’s All Here.” Shortly afterwards, his agency created a special website for citizens to suggest a new slogan.
Wait — haven't I seen this movie before? In 2002, the state staged a contest for residents to pitch ideas for a new slogan. The state's slogan at the time, "The Spirit of Massachusetts is the Spirit of America," was deemed too unwieldy to fit on license plates and T-shirts.
The hoi polloi came up with honkers like "Massachusetts: Where Freedom Begins;" "Mass. Is Magic'' and "Come Share the Common Wealth.'' Eventually the state paid a branding company $300,000 for the admittedly uninspiring, "Massachusetts . . . Make It Yours."
Herewith my humble suggestions. Rich Doucette, just send the check to the Globe. They know where to find me.
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1. Thank Us for Thanksgiving
2. Plenty More Kennedys Where Those Came From
3. As Nice As Canada, With Lower Taxes
4. Got Cod?
5. Sports Capital of the Upper-Right Hand Corner of America
6. There is No T in Massachusetts (joke)
7. It All Started Here, Alas
8. Six Years Since the Last House Speaker Indictment!
9. "Dirty Water": More Than a Song, A State of Mind
10. Dude, We're a Commonwealth!
11. We Ditched the Tea Party 200 Years Ago
12. Massachusetts; Love it and Leave It! (This campaign will feature the seemingly endless list of A-level achievers, e.g. Conan O'Brien, the filmy Afflecks, Mindy Kaling, and Edgar Allan Poe, who have made good by moving out. Indeed, if you don't have a sinecure at a major university or at a metropolitan newspaper, the question arises: What are you doing here?)
Here is my lucky 13th suggestion that will doubtless win me a well-deserved bagful of simoleons:
13. America's Olympic State*
* Not So Fast, Pal
Alex Beam's column appears regularly in the Globe. He can be reached at alexbeam@hotmail.com.