Ah, the notables Donald Trump is choosing among for his ticketmate!
Several call to mind favorite figures of our collective youth.
Think: Snow White’s retinue.
There’s Newt Gingrich, the former speaker who made his House career vilifying the opposition, practicing the opposite of what he preached, and transforming what was a reasonably collegial body into a bitterly polarized one.
Let’s call him Creepy.
Next, Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey, who was running for president as a brash bully before Trump swept in and stole the role. Since losing, however, Christie has let his inner butler shine. He refers respectfully to The Donald as “Mr. Trump” and stands dutifully in the background as his man bloviates, a tamed bully displaying the true soul of a number two.
Label him: Veepy.
Mike Pence, the governor of Indiana, is solid, gray, and, well, dull. A perfect midwestern Sleepy.
Lieutenant General Michael Flynn is a more interesting character, but outspoken, unpredictable, and caustic, and thus less likely to toe Trump’s line. Plus, he’s, um, a Democrat. Sometimes inclined to shoot from the lip, he’d make a fair Grumpy.
None is what Trump needs.
So what should The Donald do?
One smart choice would be John Boehner of Ohio, the former speaker. He’s well liked, genial, and, though viewed with suspicion by the GOP’s Cross-eyed Crazy Caucus, would reassure more sane and centrist Republicans. Bonus: Boehner actually likes Trump! Just call him . . . Weepy.
A second great catch would be Senator Susan Collins of Maine, a smart, reasonable, moderate, accomplished Republican, well-regarded on Capitol Hill.
Would she join the ticket? Dubious about Trump, she hasn’t yet endorsed him. But if he could moderate his tone and change his m.o., it’s a remote possibility.
Which is to say, about as likely as Trump winning the presidency.
Here’s what Michael Cohen has to say about Trump’s VP pick.Scot Lehigh can be reached at email@example.com. Follow him on Twitter @GlobeScotLehigh.