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Theo Epstein for president

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Chicago Cubs president Theo Epstein holds the commissioner's trophy after game seven of the 2016 World Series.USA Today Sports

It's so obvious that you are wondering why you didn't think of it sooner: Theo Epstein for president.

Let's be realistic. Managing world championships for the Red Sox and the Chicago Cubs isn't the moral equivalent of winning World War II or keeping the world safe for democracy, which frankly hasn't worked out so well, but never mind that.

But winning World Series rings for Boston and Chicago surely equals snookering France out of one-third of the American land mass (the Louisiana Purchase), or outmaneuvering a British army in a pestilential southern swamp (the Battle of New Orleans.) Thomas Jefferson and Andrew Jackson made presidential hay with those moves; Theo is every bit their peer.


Consider the major party candidates, and then think of Theo's obvious advantages:

Vladimir Putin doesn't want him to win. Vladimir Putin doesn't want him to lose. Putin probably has no idea who he is.

Other than tickets to the ballpark, Theo isn't trying to sell you anything. No steaks, no made-in-China shmattes (Trump shirts, Trumpsuits, etc.), no glitzoid condominia in places you don't want to live, like central Manhattan and Miami beach.

His hair color is one found in nature, not in a Ruritanian laboratory. And the gorilla suit. I'd love to see my president in a gorilla suit.

Theo has a family foundation that he runs with his brother Paul, the Foundation To Be Named Later, which has not been tarred by allegations of dubious "pay-to-play" donations. Based on a cursory examination of the FTBNL website, it seems unlikely that a large contribution will win you a place in the starting Cubs lineup.

Dear Mr. Assange: Go ahead and hack Theo's e-mails. Here is what I think you will find: "Billy, you are SO wrong about Renteria's Def eff [Defensive efficiency]. He's a WARP [Wins Above Replacement Player] monster! Run the PECOTA [Player Empirical Comparison and Optimization Test Algorithm]; you'll see what I mean. This is a winning deal for you."


Signing bonus: I don't think you will find any of Theo's e-mails on Anthony Weiner's laptop.

The art of the deal? It's Sunday at the park with Theo. He's Picasso, Georges Seurat, and John Singleton Copley wrapped up in one body. Yeah, OK, Eric Gagne. Even Picasso smudged a print now and then.

Theo Epstein took over the Cubs in 2011, and former White House chief of staff Rahm Emmanuel became mayor of Chicago in 2011. Ask yourself: who has done a better job? "Come and show me another city with lifted head singing/so proud to be alive;" (Carl Sandburg, "Chicago.") That's Theo Epstein's doing. President Epstein to you.

Here is the closer: When Theo Epstein takes the oath of office in Washington on Friday, January 20, 2017, he will be 43, the same age as the last American president from Brookline, John F. Kennedy. As they say in baseball, you can look it up.

Alex Beam's column appears regularly in the Globe. Follow him on Twitter @imalexbeamyrnot.