I just want it to be over.
And I officially am hoping Tom Brady leaves the Patriots.
I want Tom to go because his history-making time has run its course here. I like sports drama, and it would be a much better story if Tom goes to a new team. I’d like to see what Bill Belichick can do without Brady. I’d like to see what Brady can do for the Los Angeles/Tampa Bay/Tennessee Bradys.
I don’t want to bear witness to another AFC-East winning, oh-so-boring 10-6 Patriots season with 43-year-old Tom staggering through games, pouting through his postgame media sessions, then delivering cryptic messages on social media.
Kansas City, Tennessee, Baltimore, and Houston were all better than the Patriots in 2019. With or without Tom, it’s unlikely the Patriots will be better than those teams in 2020. It’s time for all of us to get on with our lives.
And still we wait . . . interminably. This Brady Watch has been like waiting for the English Patient to die. It’s been like waiting for Yaz’s 3,000th hit, like waiting for Major League Baseball to deliver its report on cheating allegations against the 2018 Red Sox. I like “Bohemian Rhapsody,” but it’s six minutes long. Now we are listening to “Bohemian Rhapsody” on a nonstop loop.
Is Tom staying? Is Tom going?
Please. Make it stop. I’d rather do four hours of sports talk radio solo than listen to any more debate on this issue.
Every day, every hour, there is new speculation. Adam Schefter says Tom is going. Peter King says Tom is staying. Stephen A. Smith says it depends on what “Mr. Kraft” does (that pompous “Mr. Kraft” gets me every time). Jeff Darlington says Tom is going. Zo says Tom is staying. Brady stooge/puppet Jim Gray says nothing at all.
I say, wake me up when it’s over.
It’s been like this around here every day since the Patriots’ 2019 season ended at Gillette Stadium Jan. 4. That was before Mookie Betts was traded, before “Parasite” won the Oscar, before anybody ever heard of the coronavirus. Before your 401(k) went into the hopper.
We understand that 24-7 sports media outlets need programming and the Brady nonstory fills a lot of hours when there is little else . . . but this is ridiculous. And Brady — the only person who knows anything about what will happen — seems to enjoy the nonstop speculation. It’s downright annoying.
How much more can we take?
Tom’s house is for sale. Tom and Super G are looking at schools in Nashville. Tom spoke with Raiders owner Mark Davis at a big fight in Vegas. Titans coach Mike Vrabel and Tom are tight. The Colts need a quarterback. LA would be a great place for Tom to launch another TB12. Tampa Bay is a dark horse. Jerry Jones would dump Dak Prescott and give Tom everything in Jerryworld. Tom could take his talents to South Beach and face the Patriots twice per season for the next couple of years.
Fans and reporters scour Brady’s social media missives looking for clues. Reminds me of the “Paul is dead” rumors when the Beatles were breaking up 50 years ago. Is that a photo of Tom walking in bare feet across Route 1? If you play the soundtrack of “Do Your Job” backward, do you hear Ernie Adams saying, “Tom is a Dolphin”? Did Bill say “cranberry sauce” or “Brady is a total loss”? Was Jimmy G the Walrus?
Enough. Just go, Tom. It’s been a great 20 years. But the Patriots are not going to win another Super Bowl with a 43-, 44-, or 45-year-old Tom Brady at quarterback.
I hate that it’s a nonstop topic. And I will hate it even more if Brady stays after all this. Wouldn’t that be swell? MVP-turned-AARP Tom lurching around as the Patriots win the Warhol Division for the millionth straight season? Then lose to the Chiefs/Ravens/Titans/Texans in the playoffs?
No, thanks. It would be better sports theater to watch Belichick and the Patriots try to win without Tom. And it would be fun to watch Tom with a new team. It would be like having two NFL franchises in New England. Two teams to root for — like the days of the Boston Red Sox and the Boston Braves.
Here at the Globe, we would have a total staff devoted to the Los Angeles/Tampa Bay/Tennessee Bradys. And you would read every word.
Just like you read and listen to every word now.
Is Tom staying?
Is Tom leaving?
Make it a Nike ad if you must.
Just. Do. It.