Mookie Betts definitely did not want a beer masquerading as a projectile missile tossed at him.
Especially a full can, like the ones tossed repeatedly at the duck boat he was on during the Red Sox victory parade Wednesday.
It started on Boylston Street when a Bud came flying in and crashed off the scalp of Red Sox photographer Billie Weiss. Then as we approached Copley Square, the bombardment increased. There were nips of vodka, peppermint schnapps, Jack Daniels, and more beer.
Betts’s family was on the boats, including his mother.
This has never happened at any other rolling rally. In 2013, on the Charles River, David Ortiz made eye contact with a fan on a nearby boat. The fan offered a beer and Ortiz smiled. The fan tossed it and Big Papi showed that he was more than a designated hitter.
Betts, a two-time Gold Glover, was amazing Wednesday. He was protecting us all with his lightning-quick hands, almost like a goalie under attack.
He also was not happy.
“This definitely has got to stop,” Betts said.
“Do Some Damage” was a catchy slogan, but why would you want to hurt the probable AL MVP?
By the time “Dirty Water” was played later in the parade, Weiss’s wound was swollen. The wife of hitting coach Tim Hyers, who was also on Betts’s boat, was hit in the stomach. I got hit four times.
I was really angry and started swatting away beers and using hand signals to try to get fans to stop. Red Sox security man Mike Gunning made several big saves.
This is not cool, people.
As for the Jim Davis photos, my esteemed colleague misses nothing.
The story is more how Mookie saved us, rather than us saving him.
Stan Grossfeld can be reached at email@example.com.