The thrilling, action-packed special election campaign for the US Senate is almost over. And what a corker it has been, with Republican Gabriel Gomez and Democrat Ed Markey crisscrossing the state to make their cases to, oh, tens of voters over the last eight weeks.
Who among those teeming handfuls of devotees will ever forget Gomez’s green flight jacket, into which he appears to have been Navy Sealed? No matter how high the mercury rises, that thing stays on. And how about Markey’s red and white striped jersey, and that adorable little hat. . . . Oh wait, that’s Waldo. We saw about as much of him out there as the congressman.
Polls don’t look great for Gomez right now, but anything can happen. Former senator Scott Brown plans to swoop in to deliver some of his 2010 magic on Monday (after damning Gomez with faint praise), so you never know. Markey, cradling his lead as if it were a Ming vase, has been hiding behind Democratic bigs, or hiding, period, lest he unleash some fatal, stretch-run gaffe.
Secretary of State William Galvin seems to be under the impression you’re not jumping out of your skin about Tuesday’s vote, and predicts abysmal turnout. Apparently, people have been interested in other things, if you can believe it: the Bruins, the trial of Whitey Bulger, federal snoopage (Hi NSA I love you, God Bless America!), Kimye progeny, Aaron Hernandez. Let’s see if Galvin is right: Take this short quiz to learn how closely you’ve been paying attention.
1. Before he was a legislator, Ed Markey was:
A. A pharaoh
B. A wheelwright
C. A roadie for the Glenn Miller Orchestra
D. An ice cream truck driver.
Answer: D, and give the man props. It was tough work before refrigeration.
2. Is Gabriel Gomez for a 24-hour waiting period for women seeking abortions, or against it?
3. Ed Markey has given us so much to remember this campaign season. What was his most electrifying moment?
A. When he promised to fight for the middle class.
B. When he promised to fight for seniors.
C. When he promised to fight the Tea Party.
D. When he said the only poll that matters is on Election Day.
Answer: OK, never mind.
4. Before Gabriel Gomez decided to seek the Republican nomination for the US Senate, he tried to get into politics another way. Was it by:
A. Running for selectman in Cohasset.
B. Becoming a spokesman for an anti-Obama veterans’ group.
C. Writing the governor asking to be appointed interim US senator and promising to support Obama on key issues.
D. All of the above
Answer: D. Points for persistence, if not consistency.
5. If Gomez loses the election on Tuesday, he will write a letter asking to be appointed to which position:
A. IRS commissioner.
B. Director of the Belchertown annual 5k Road Race.
C. Chairman of the Cohasset Historical Commission.
Answer: A, and possibly C. A $281,500 historic preservation deduction on his superluxe home? The guy knows his way around a tax code.
6. Ed Markey insists he’s brought boundless energy and enthusiasm to this Senate race. What are some other activities he has pursued with similar gusto?
A. Sorting his socks.
B. Itemizing his tax deductions.
C. Organizing block parties in his Malden neighborhood.
D. Overhauling telecommunications regulations.
Answer: Zzzzzzzzzzzzz . . .
7. Why should embattled New England fishermen trust Gabriel Gomez to help rescue their industry?
A. Because he has experience with federal catch limits.
B. Because he knows the science of cod populations.
C. Because he knows people in Washington who will help their cause.
D. Because he’s a NAVY SEAL!
Answer: D, on this and every other issue. Also, did he mention he’s a Navy SEAL? Because, in case you hadn’t noticed the jacket, he’s a Navy SEAL.
So, how did you do? If you didn’t know all the answers before, you do now. So go vote!
When was that election thingy, again?