Boston could survive a zombie attack, and other rankings

Everyone knows, of course, that when it comes to drinking, sports fandom, terrible driving, and general unpleasantness, Boston knows how to bring it. The Boston Globe

Here in Boston, we’re generally miserable — and yet, surprisingly stress-free. We love starting our own businesses, and casual sex — though not necessarily in that order. We are big tippers, and when it comes to skin health, well, pal, few places do it better.

These revelations -- and many more -- come courtesy of the various “Best U.S. Cities For...” rankings that routinely find their way into Americans’ inboxes and Facebook feeds. They are often the work of marketing departments and PR firms, and run the gamut from the relatively informative (“2016’s Best and Worst Cities for an Active Lifestyle”) to the wildly absurd (“The 10 Best U.S. Cities to Be a Vampire”).

And yet, taken together, they provide a fresh, wonderful, terrible, bizarre, surprising, contradictory, and thoroughly enjoyable lens through which to view our city.

The popularity of these rankings isn’t hard to fathom, says Boston University mass communication assistant professor John Carroll.

“No. 1, people love lists. No. 2, people are incredibly competitive. And No. 3, people are incredibly jealous of other people,” he said, adding that social media has helped these rankings flourish. “So these lists play into all of that, in terms of attracting attention (and) in terms of engagement.”

Everyone knows, of course, that when it comes to drinking, sports fandom, terrible driving, and general unpleasantness, Boston knows how to bring it.

But did you know that we’re also among the national leaders in many other important categories, including: One of the best places to be a real estate agent (tenth nationally, insists WalletHub)? Willing to pay some of the highest prices for prostitutes (via The Economist)? Did you know that, as of last November, we were the No. 2 city nationally for reasonably priced live music, according to online ticket marketplace Vivid Seats?

And as for tipping? Boston ranks first in reported average tip percentage by dining website Zagat.

You might be surprised to learn, too, that we’re the city most likely to survive a zombie apocalypse. This welcome tidbit is brought to us by the folks over at CareerBuilder, who crunched the numbers -- including the prevalence of medical scientists and professionals in the area -- to determine the American cities best prepared to handle a “World War Z”-type situation.

“Perhaps a history fighting for freedom gave it the edge,” said a press release announcing the rankings, “but thanks to the right skills, population density and industry resources, Boston ... has the highest chance of surviving.”

Speaking of the medical field, you’ll be hard-pressed to find a city more conducive to the STEM -- or science, technology, engineering, and math -- community. (Boston is the sixth best metro area for STEM professionals, says WalletHub.) And if it’s comfort you’re after, we’ve got that, too, checking in as the country’s No. 2 coziest city in the eyes of Honeywell, which explained in its reasoning, “the number of bakeries, book shops, coffee shops, and specialty grocers per capita helps to propel Boston.”

If casual sex is your thing, you’ll find plenty of that here, according to Thrillist’s list of “The 15 Easiest U.S. Cities” to, um, get intimate, which lists Boston at No. 7 -- a few hookups shy of sixth-ranked Philadelphia.

But we crave a lot more than just superficial connections. We’re also a city full of romantics (real estate website Zillow’s No. 3 city for love back in 2015), so much so, apparently, that we don’t let our marriages stop us from seeking even more romance. (Boston ranks No. 3 on 24/7 Wall Street’s list of “Cities With the Most Adultery,” which analyzed Ashley Madison membership data.)

And while affordable child care might not be a strong suit (thanks to CNN Money, we know that Massachusetts has been named the most expensive state in that department), who needs child care when you live in a city billed No. 1 in Fatherly’s “25 Best U.S. Cities For Kids To Play Outside”?

Now, at this point, you’re probably wondering: Sure, live music and healthy skin are all well and good, but how do we stack up when it comes to urban agriculture ordinances?

Glad you asked!

You won’t find many places better, actually (fourth overall in that department, says a website called Seedstock). Nor will you find a better tasting glass of water (top billing in the American Water Works Association’s “Best of the Best” Tap Water Taste Test in 2014). And our wind? The Weather Channel recently ranked us America’s fourth-windiest city.

But alas, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows here in Boston.

Though we might be hesitant to acknowledge it -- the Hub was, after all, ranked Travel and Leisure magazine’s third snobbiest city of 2013 -- we do have some room for improvement.

Boston, for instance, is a tough place to be a single mother (ranked 100th nationally, according to WalletHub) and a Hispanic entrepreneur (142nd). Based on the same survey, we’re a little on the lazy side (84th in hardest-working cities). And when it comes to overall mobile phone performance, says mobile network evaluator RootMetrics, we checked in at a very average No. 60 in 2015.

There’s more. According to WalletHub, there are 46 better places to take a staycation, 140 cities more conducive to holding a wedding, and 228 better places to be a first-time home buyer. And though, true, we certainly do a fine job celebrating St. Patrick’s Day (No. 1), our performance on Valentine’s Day (34th) and Easter (77th) leaves a lot to be desired.

But breathe easy, Boston. The world of random city rankings is, after all, a lot like Massachusetts weather: If you don’t like it now, just wait an hour.

The headline read, in part: “Boston Is the Third Unhappiest City in the Country.”