Q. I was at a work event feeling like absolute [crap] one day. As I was leaving, I ran into this guy I think I found attractive — which is pretty rare for white men for me (for context, I’m not white).
I thought we had vibes, and then he asked if we were walking in the same direction, and we did … but then he had to run off to his bus.
Fast forward and he messaged me on LinkedIn. We ended up getting coffee for a work-related thing, but I couldn’t tell what the vibes were, so nothing really happened.
Then he messaged me on LinkedIn a couple of days ago, asking if I could give him more feedback on his work project.
How do I assess if something is work vibes, or if it’s more like this could be something more.
LINKED UP
A. How closely do you work with this man? Would you see him at all if he didn’t initiate these meetups?
My thought: If he’s coming up with reasons to see you, and asking for feedback on projects that have nothing to do with you, he likes you. Maybe platonically, as a close friend or colleague, but … perhaps more.
He might be on the other side of this asking, “What are the vibes?” Ever since the accidental party run-in, he’s the one who has planned every next step.
My advice is to ask, “Would you like to have lunch next week? Escape work for a bit?” Or request a drink after office hours. If he says yes, you’ll learn more. If he says no, it’s not the end of the world. The ball will be in his court, and it’s no big deal.
Maybe he hasn’t even considered romance, but the question itself will give him some ... ideas.
Also try to get off LinkedIn by getting his phone number. The platform is absolutely sometimes used for checking people out, but if you’re messaging through it, it’s still all business.
MEREDITH
READERS RESPOND:
He reached out on LinkedIn, not on company email. He didn’t suddenly try to “friend” you on Insta, Facebook, or elsewhere. It’s a metered approach that doesn’t necessarily give creepy vibes. But the fact that it’s not company email means that he’s more than professionally interested.
BLISTERED-TOE
If it was strictly work, he would likely connect on a work communication platform (email or Teams) If he doesn’t have your personal number, but doesn’t necessarily want to create a creepy conflict by chasing you down on social media, LinkedIn is kind of a nice compromise. I think he’s interested — but also professional and thoughtful. Not a bad combination to start. Maybe reply to his LinkedIn by giving him a connection to your true social media and see where he follows up from there?
FAHHUNTRESS
^She never said he works where she works. I think she was at some kind of venue like a local trade show or a job fair (or whatever) on behalf of her company, and then she happened to meet this guy at the end of the day.
REID-MOORE
I think he’s interested. In my experience, very few people want feedback on their work projects.
ALLUSERNAMESARETAKEN
“He messaged me on LinkedIn.” That’s how white guys (not all of them) flirt.
SUNALSORISES
Sounds like you are both superficially interested. Just invite him for coffee, dinner, some event and get it over with. How is that not easier than ruminating about it?
AINTTIGGYWINK
There’s only one way to answer the question: Ask him out. Lunch, something after work, whatever. He will respond, and then you will know what the vibe is.
NEWUSERNAMEAGAIN
He likes you but can’t move more directly due to #MeToo and doesn’t want to risk his job. You’ll have to make the first move if you’re interested, and I’m sure he’ll be receptive.
EGOMANIAC
Can’t a man just be able to communicate with another person without it being flirting? Not everything is about romance or getting it on. No. Stay away. Keep it 100 percent professional.
MMOLIBERTY.
I think it’s fair to say he’s interested. He’s reached out a lot since you met him. Him asking you to check his project is him wanting to get together with you to see if there’s anything there. Now, do you really want to risk dating someone who might not work out at your workplace? Especially because you might find him attractive? That is, if you actually work at the same company. If not then you have nothing to lose.
JSMUS
So far I’m only getting work vibes. See where it goes.
WIZEN
It does seem like he might be interested. People don’t usually contact others to get feedback on their work (at least not in my world). Ask him to do something not work related and see what happens!
ANKIA2006
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