Bunny Shilakowsky assumed her support system would vanish when she came out as a trans woman to her then-wife and their daughter three years ago.
She was 67 at the time, and it had taken most of her life to realize transitioning was the right decision.
“That’s just the age where everything came together in my head, in my heart, in my soul, and the different parts of who I am,” Shilakowsky said.
A concert violinist who grew up in Needham, Shilakowsky has performed with orchestras around the world, including the Boston Symphony. She is now a freelance musician and supplements her living expenses by teaching in the schools around Greater Boston.
“When most people would be retiring and not going to work, I still have to go to work because I don’t have enough money saved to live on,” she said, explaining that the costs of transitioning have taken a toll on her savings.
Feelings of wanting to be a woman had been buried deep within her for many years, according to Shilakowsky, and every few years they would resurface like an unwelcome guest at a party.
She began talking with her therapist, and through their discussions they planned the necessary steps for Shilakowsky to feel like herself.
When Shilakowsky came out to her wife and daughter, her wife asked her to move out, and they separated. Her daughter was more accepting.
Shilakowsky searched for a new place to live and found The Pryde, a senior living community in Hyde Park for members of the LGBTQ community.
After two years of living at The Pryde, she said, the people and community she built there gave her the support and encouragement she needed to see the transition process through after turning 70 last year.
Her gender-affirming care included facial feminization surgery, in which doctors shaved the bones of her eyebrow and forehead area to make them appear softer and more feminine.
“Denying my gender dysphoria was injuring me psychologically,” Shilakowsky said, while recalling a conversation she had with her therapist. “The longer you go on that way, you are causing repetitive injury; you are hurting yourself over and over and over again.”
Shilakowsky said that as she goes through this transition, she hopes to be a role model for trans people as well as for her students.
She even started an orchestra for nonbinary and LGBTQ musicians in Boston, called the Non-Conformists Orchestra.
When thinking about the way society treats her community, Shilakowsky gets deeply saddened but knows it’s her responsibility to speak out.
“I have a battle that must be fought, so that people like myself are not hurt, are not discriminated against, are not legislated against, that we can be represented in society and around the world,” Shilakowsky said. “And so, it makes me fight harder, and sometimes I have to stop and cry, and sometimes I am joyful because I’m surrounded by people who care and who’ve come before me.”
Christian Kantosky can be reached at christian.kantosky@globe.com. Follow him on Instagram at @ckantoskyphoto.