Foster parenting should be about the kids’ needs, not the parents’ views
In her Sept. 5 Opinion column, “Thousands of kids in Massachusetts need foster care. So why is the state turning away Christian families?” Carine Hajjar minimizes the foster care system’s main mission: to protect and nurture children. She writes in support of some parents who objected to a line in the state’s new foster parent agreement that requires applicants to “support, respect, and affirm the foster child’s sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression.”
As a Christian and a foster parent, I believe that every child in the care of the Department of Children and Families is deserving of love and acceptance, and that includes LGBTQ youth. As people of faith, my family opens our hearts and home to all children unconditionally and without judgment; this is also our primary responsibility as foster parents. Far from conflicting with the requirements of being a foster parent, our Christian beliefs remind us of our job: ensuring the well-being of the children in our care, no matter who they are. This has included several transgender kids.
Foster parenting isn’t about us. These children aren’t ours, although we’ve loved all who have come to us. We’re only meant to care for them — and not cause harm or trauma — until they can safely return to their families of origin. Hajjar’s focus on accommodating certain foster parents as a solution to our foster care crisis misses an important factor — we can also help kids leave foster care by increasing support for their families of origin.
DCF should continue to welcome qualified, committed foster parents from all backgrounds, and it should continue to ensure that foster parents aim to support, and not reject, the core identity of a child entrusted to their temporary care. I have faith that we can achieve both goals without creating more instability for our most vulnerable children.
Carmen Paulino
Lowell
This should not be framed as a Christian issue
Carine Hajjar’s column raises an important point about the need for foster parents. However, its argument is weakened by the unsubstantiated suggestion that the Department of Children and Families’ requirements are targeting Christians for discrimination.
The requirement that prospective foster parents “support, respect, and affirm the foster child’s sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression” is a policy that many Christians would agree with, just as some non-Christians might not. This is not a uniquely Christian issue.
As a volunteer case reviewer for DCF for several years, I have seen firsthand the incredible work the agency does under very difficult circumstances. It is a shame to see an important conversation about foster care framed by an unfounded assertion of anti-Christian bias.
David Davis
Cambridge
The writer holds a doctoral degree in sociology.
No, the state is not ‘turning away’ Christian families
The headline of Carine Hajjar’s recent column is misleading in suggesting that Massachusetts is turning away Christian families from foster care. Many Christians have embraced Jesus’ lessons of love, compassion, and inclusion. Those Christians live their lives through their interpretation of Jesus’ ministry by reaching out to marginalized communities and bringing the love of Jesus to them. Many Christian churches are welcoming and affirming to LGBTQ communities. People’s faith is very personal, and I recognize that we all have different interpretations of what it means to be a Christian. Given that context, the headline would have been more accurate if it had stated that some people’s religious beliefs conflict with the state’s human rights policies.
Craig Cunningham
Derry, N.H.
It’s about acceptance, not hypotheticals
Carine Hajjar writes that the DCF “can’t afford to lose qualified families based on hypotheticals.”
What hypotheticals? If prospective foster parents cannot answer yes to support, respect, and acceptance of all children, then it’s a no. Period.
Susan Ferrari
Milton
Kids need homes where they’re accepted, not excepted
Carine Hajjar suggests that the DCF could steer kids who identify as trans to more accepting families, “though presumably,” she writes, “very few infants fall into that category.” In her own aside, she answered the question posed in her column’s headline: “So why is the state turning away Christian families?”
Coming out can be a long process in which fostered children can grow to find themselves trapped in a family hostile to their identity. LGBTQ children who grow up in families of heterosexual blood relatives, regardless of whether these families are religious or secular, have faced parental violence, rejection, and attempts at conversion therapy, often resulting in homelessness and a risk for suicide. No doubt these are the kinds of outcomes that the DCF’s new requirement is intended to forestall.
Hajjar also fails to distinguish between “traditional” Christian families (by which is meant “conservative”) and more tolerant Christian families who, it seems to me, are the true practitioners of Christianity, since they follow Christ’s admonition to welcome the stranger — in this case the LGBTQ kids growing up as strangers in their own homes.
Owen Shows
Jamaica Plain
One’s struggle for identity is personal, not political
Carine Hajjar complains about the DCF’s having revoked foster parents’ licenses over their refusal to sign an agreement to affirm the status and needs of trans youth. She states that the state is “imposing progressive gender ideology.” This frames trans people as under the thrall of some political persuasion. Trans people often struggle emotionally and psychologically before coming to terms with their identity. This struggle for identity is not political; it is personal.
In addition, Hajjar echoes many on the right who try to erase trans people, while she promotes the fiction, promulgated by those on the Christian right, that Christians are under attack in this country.
If Christian foster parents are inclined to discriminate while trying to help children, the state cannot participate in that endeavor.
Michael Sciabarrasi
Ashburnham
Prospective foster parents should have faith that it won’t be a problem
My husband and I were foster parents for 19 years. We recently retired, since we are in our mid-70s. We are Roman Catholics who practice our faith and are involved in our parish. Over the many years of fostering at least 50 children, only once did a child live with us who did not conform to the gender determined at birth. We respected his choice and were comfortable allowing him to express his gender identity. Had we not decided to foster him, DCF would have respected our choice and found another family. Foster parents always have the option of who they welcome into their home.
If the Christian families cited in Carine Hajjar’s column wish to continue to foster the many children in the system who are in need of the love and stability these parents can provide, I might suggest they sign the nondiscrimination policy. While they may not agree with it, chances are they will not be called upon to go against their religious beliefs. Bringing the courts into the discussion appears unnecessary when there are other ways of resolving the issue.
Susan Kramer
Dartmouth